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You raise what I think is a VERY important issue and one that could be nipped in the bud at an early age.  Teacheres really need to be invloved with this and NOT allow any "alienation". 

I can rmember when my oldest was in kindergarten and there was a boy just as you described.  It got to the point that the poor kid couldn't do ANYTHING without being "told on" or corrected by another child....and that in itself and the feelings that accompany it are only going to escalate behaviors.

When this same son was in preschool....he had a tough time during circle time and transitions.  I KNOW his teachers suspected SOMETHING would be diagnosed in him.....it wasn't.....he is my "typical" child who just has to fight tooth and nail for my attention

That I was frustrated at how many times I would hear "connor sit down, connor come back, connor don't do that"....it was constantly his name over and over and over.....then the kids started so that the second he moved his legs to a new postion someone would say "connor sit".....I talked with his teachers and they worked so nicely with me.....they stopped saying his name (just the absence of that seemed to make a differnce.....like he wasn't under a spotlight all the time) they told the kids that it wasn't their job to "help" connor.....cause sometimes I feel like they try to use that "positive peer pressure" from kids.....and I think it only backfires so that the kids are now frustrated with the child.....not fair !!

I know in the elemantary school they use sticker charts at Art & Gym.....all the classes have a row and if the WHOLE class is good they get a sticker.....and there is a "competion" among ALL the classes .....well I have heard my kids say...."you have "so & so" in your class.....you will NEVER get a sticker.....how horribel is that ??  I know the point is that the child should want to behave for his peers and all earn the sticker.....but the truth is.....if the sticker isn't earned.....the child is "blamed".  I think the idea behind it was good, but only backfires for the child.

Lastly, I think kids need to be taught resect and courtousy of others......I tell my kids....."you don't have to be friends with eveyrone, but you do have to be nice to everyone"

You just have to hope that kids like the one you saw have SOMEONE in their corner rooting and fighting for them.....'cuase they don't stand a chance otherwise

I think of things like Columbine and VA Tech and wonder if those kids could all have been saved by early intervention ... or should I say early attention?

There is such a huge focus on theory and academics.  And it would not have to be that complciated, or tied to any faith or ethical system.  Just "how to get along" and "how to help others" stuff.

I had one preschool teacher tell me that kids "need to learn to deal with rejection?" because "it is gonna happen?"  This was during a discussion of "You Can't Say You Can't Play," which is a GREAT book on the topic!

I volunteer at a preschool and there is a kid who stands out a bit. He is
very busy, has a hard time with transitions and will go into rages. He also
hits other kids when he seems overwhelmed. During activities and when I
talk to him I never get a feeling of him connecting like I do with other
kids. I'm pretty sure he has something neurological going on, He usually
has an 1:1 staff these days and it's going okay. He can also be very sweet
and affectionate. His mom is nice and I know the teacher has been
making her aware of the problems, so I will not make that my business.
What brakes my heart is how the other kids respond to him. They are only
four and I hear more and more negative comments about him from them:
"S. does not listen", "S. is mean I don't want him to sit here", "I don't want
S. to play with us"...Kids will walk away when he comes or make faces.
Most of the time the rejection is pretty suttle but it is there. We try to
create positive interactions for him with others but they don't like him
because they find him unpredictable. In some ways I can't bame them, I
tell my kids too that if someone is mean to them or they don't feel right
about someone to walk away. It is an imporant life skill to have. But what
impact does this have on the little guy?!
And I know that my asd ds is having the same experience in his
mainstream class. My ds is not aggressive but he is loud, busy and has a
poor understanding of personal space. I have seen kids roll their eyes as
soon as they see him, they don't know what to do with his behavior.
Sometimes there is no way around realizing: To me my ds is special and
precious but to most of the world he will be annoying. How do you
prepare a kid for that ?I have found with visiting Sarah that the kids will clamour around her because they want my attention...not so much hers but I take advantage and tell them to help her in playtime or that she is shy and needs help,,,could you hold her hand to recess and help her...they are real accomadating when I make them the mentor over her for the most part. She is in kindergarten so not sure how long they will be sweet with her but they are a few stinkers.. I would make my time with this boy as positive as you can so others will want to join him too even if it is you they want..then you can gently explain appropriate ways to include him..I am sure they will want to do whatever you request at this age. They aim to please still:) I would also try to encourage him to follow them and prompt him to request someone to play with him or follow him with lots of praise.  Sarah's playgroup is set up with typical kids and whenever they engage her and get a response they get a star...whenever she asks them questions or initiates play or conversation then she gets a star....at the end they all must earn like 6 stars to get a prize from treasure box..Not sure you can do this but verbal praise or stamps, stickers work great for reinforcing interactions. Good luck:) 
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